Dear Bob Gabby Mugabe,

I remember. Today is your birthday. You’re 85 years old today Bob. Today I am not engaging in any ad hominem. I’ll hit to the point right away. 

Many think. At this age you’d be as mature as Nelson Mandela, Kenneth Kaunda, Desmond Tutu, and other mature men of Africa who retired before reaching your age. But lo! You’re but an adolescent with all delinquencies that go with it!

Politically you are but an anathema, even a cancer. You verily have nothing to celebrate. The good thing for you to do is to grief for the shame and havoc you brought to your people. 

As you celebrated your 85th birthday, you prove how immature you still are. Firstly, the bitingly truth we got was that you wanted over $ 300,000 to be spending on yum-yum and other lavish and foolish stuffs. How dare you spend such a mammoth amount whilst your people are dying of lack of just fifty cents!

Another thing you did to prove your megalomania and immaturity is the detention of Roy Bennett the junior minister for agriculture. This besides dressing you down proved your chronic insanity and grandstanding.

We wrongly used to dote and revere you as a freedom fighter. We wrongly thought you were a lion of a man. That was then. We now know you are but a bloody old kicking ass waiting to kick the bucket. If you’re an animal, indeed, we’d call you a mongrel or mandrill. You behave like a chicken that eats its chicks. Shame on you time and again!

Seriously take it from me. You’re but a shame to our continent. People laugh at us whenever they hear of your phantasmagoria. They shake their heads whenever you open your dirty mouth. Why shouldn’t they if at all a duenna of over eighty years still use canta and other chemicals to conceal his actual age? Though you do this entire buffoonery, the calendar has always been kinder. It tells openly you’re 85 years old though physically. As I have mentioned above, your upstairs is still in its infancy stage if you can not see how Zimbabweans are suffering thanks to your bulimia.

Mr. Bob, have you ever thought about ‘after me epoch’? Try to give it a try. What good have you done for your country so as to be remembered for? Did you read the stories of the buggers like Idi Amin, Adolph Hitler, Benito Mussolini, Jean Bedel Bokassa, Joseph Desire Mobutu, Gnassigbe Eyadema and others? Whenever their names are mentioned, true men spit wherever they are in annoyance and disgrace. If you don’t do something about this, soon you’ll join these betes noix. 

We still remember those human butchers above; but in a bad light. I know. You think using your stomach in lieu of your head. But again, at the age of 85 especially in African ways, you’re supposed to have come of age. You are supposed to have already been circumcised. 

As you celebrate this disgraceful anniversary, I have one message for you. Think about it. Though your heart and mind cheat you that you can adjust your tight grip on power so as to ruin Zimbabwe a great deal more, your immortal body tells a very different story. 

Another dictator like you, Hastings Kamuzu Banda in the neighboring Malawi, had such a day dream. He ended up dying a disgrace as you soon will.

You’ve been in power for decades just like Dictators Yoweri Museveni, Albert Omar Bongo, Muamar Qadaffi, Denis Sassou Ngweso and others. Do you think?  Is there anything new you did not do that you can ad lib now?  Goof not my friend. Those cheer-leaders and charlatans surrounding you, singing praises, are misleading you my dear. They don’t even love you, but the ill-gotten gains by means of stealing from poor Zimbabweans. 

Another thing Bob, I’m told you are schooled. Aren’t you? I’m told you’ve as many as six or seven university degrees. Wow! Well done sir. But what are they for if they don’t enable you to read the signs of time? Are you an educated illiterate or a schooled goon? Neither of the duos is good. You can be highly educated. But if you’re unwise, being educated is as good as nothing.

You make me feel sick Bob though I respect you thanks to your eleventh hour age. I feel even sicker to note that Africa currently has many PhD holders that cannot use their common sense like you. Remember Bob, they got all those nugatory PhDs through the support of a poor but patriotic tax payers. Instead of emancipating him, now, you are dooming him!

I know one old kick ass like you. We were told. He’s an ace economist. When he came to power, he became a killer of the same economy he was touted about! Do you know Moi Kibaki? That’s my buddy. 

Another thing Bob, are you intending to invite Flt-Lt Guririza whose wife, Grace Marufu you took after yours, Sally Hayfron died? I did not know that your behavior of plundering others started a long time ago when you took Grace from her husband just like you did to white farmers’ farms!

Bob, enough is enough. Try to think of tomorrow. I know you’re a Christian. What will you tell God when the day comes? Don’t you believe in the Day of Judgment? What will you tell God when it comes to degrading the pearl of Africa? What will you say regarding deaths of innocent Zimbabweans killed by your army, hunger and maladministration (all ushered in by you)?

Think about that Bob. I wish you a happy and soul- searching birthday, Bob Mugabe.

Nkawzi Mhango is a Tanzanian living in Canada. He writes regularly for “The African Executive” and also has a blog entitled “Free Thinking Unabii”. He is a guest contributor to AfroSpear.