Your Economic Stimulus Plan
Now that March Madness is almost over, the bracketologists will have to wait nearly another year to put their theories and guesswork to the test. However, the school of bracketology must be expanded. It can be applied to any number of categories where guesswork and theories might be the order of the day. So I am going to attempt a “bracketology” of the economic stimulus plan, which will breakdown exactly who gets what and for how much most folks will sell out before we get down to the “final four”.
Our brackets should look something like the following:
In this sport, $800 billion to $1 trillion in cold, hard government cash is at stake. Also at stake is Social Security, social programs and a host of social services. Now this game is played according very strict rules. First, no limit exists as to the number of players a team can enter into the game. For instance, the workers have 130 million members, and they can all participate. This seems to give them an enormous advantage.
Don’t forget the second rule. When the whistle starts, teams must start lobbying. You lobby by cornering a congressman or senator and getting your point across on behalf of your team. In this game, billions of dollars are at stake. So not only must your team mates corner as many representatives as possible, they also should wine and dine them, preferably at ritzy strip bars.
Of course, you can do your own “bracketology” and become your own expert. Follow the money! Find out who will be the losers and winners in this great sport, where so many folks don’t even kno they are players! Are you a player? Find out in your next rebate check, or see if you have an increase in your food stamps like I got. Yeeaay! Party, like it’s 1999.
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Actually “Poor People” and “Colored Folks” would have to play a qualifying game to get into the tournament. Then we’d get the equivalent of Duke or UNC in the first round and get smoked. Sounds like reality to me. LOL.
I kno all the teams aren’t listed in my brackets, but no no no no, this game is something like a cross between “It-Tag” and the marathon. Starts get off to a “clean slate” for everybody, no handicapping! No qualifying fee, except you can’t be in prison or an undocumented alien. Obstacles include bodyguards, receptionists, the Secret Service, Homeland Security, your parole officer, and mebbe that bottle that makes you say, “Aw fuck it, I caint figger this out. Let somebody else do it, Ima get drunk.”