Valentine’s Day is just around the corner… and let’s face it guys, this is primarily a day for us men to show the Queens who have blessed our lives, just how much we love and appreciate them. However, I wanted to list some of the subtle… and not so subtle ways… in which she demonstrates her mad love for us. Now I will neither confirm nor deny that I have personally experienced any or all of these situations, but the word on the street is that you know she loves you when:
1. She changes the channel from The Bachelor to Sportscenter when you enter the room.
2. She announces to her family that the last piece of chicken in the bucket is yours.
3. She finds that photo of you and that White girl you used to kick it with, smiles with a “ummm, umm, um”… and then puts it back in the box.
4. She will give you a long, deep “good morning” kiss every so often, before you even brush your teeth.
5. She still fixes you a plate although she is so pissed at you, she won’t even look at you. (Still get one of the kids or the dog to taste the food before you chow down!)
6. She enters the bathroom, right after you had to run out of there because you’d dropped a major toxic gut dump… and put on her makeup. (She may affectionately refer to you as “stank ass” throughout the day.
7. She holds you tightly and cries with you when the Raiders… uh… ahem… I mean your team loses the championship game.
8. She calls you at work every other day to tell you that she’s gonna kill that beetch at her job who’s working her last nerve.
9. She wears your favorite black and red negligé on your birthday, slams down a bottle of Hennessey on the table, grabs you by the throat with one hand, pulls you into her breasts and purrs in your ear that tonight she’s gonna treat you to some “prison love”. (Remember to agree on a “safe” word).
10. She suggest that you, her and her ghetto fabulous but real sexy aunt… the one who is also a couple years younger than she is … engage in a ménage a trois.
11. She sends you a dozen roses with balloons at work for no special reason… just because she adores you.