There is a lot of talk these days about marriage and how difficult it can be. Everywhere you turn, someone is talking about how many marriages are failing. How divorce is soaring, even in the “church”. Some folk even believe that the marriage covenant isn’t necessary in this day and age. Many feel that the marriage license, the papers, is where the problem lies.
Those of us who believe in the sanctity of marriage are perplexed about all this. We don’t understand why our marriages are failing, and we are trying to figure out what’s going on! Some pastors are preaching that it’s because we dont “interview” our prospective mates! We don’t know what we’re getting! We don’t find out their views on money, children, work, business, family, etc. Some pastors are saying that we are letting carnality lead us in choosing our mates–we are looking at whether they look good, have money or prestige. Some experts are saying that those we are choosing are not emotionally whole–we’re not finding out if the prospect has any issues–like anger, greediness, selfishness, hatred, etc. The implication is that we should eliminate these types from our pool of choices.
I have trouble with this. Mainly because I fit into many of these categories! Don’t we all have some issue or another? Is a marriage relationship something that should be perfect and complete from day one? Isn’t a relationship built over time? As a married woman, I know that the marriage relationship is something that must be developed. It takes a lot of emotional work and prayer to make it work.
If we accept what the “experts” tell us are the proper criteria, then no one would qualify for marriage!
Let me propose something. As Christians we already have the solution to build a great marriage with the mate of our dreams.
First, God is our foundation on which to build a good, satisfying marriage. That means that at the start of that marriage, there’s nothing much there. The foundation must be set in place. Then if we trust in the Lord and follow His precepts, we will be victorious in all things. It’s God who guides us in everything to develop our relationship with our mate. When we as weak humans run into disagreements, we look to what the Word says, we follow it, and things come back together. When we have doubts about each other, we take our burdens to the Lord in prayer and find out what the Word says. When we are angry at each other, we take our troubles to God and do what He says concerning anger. We forgive each other. If we follow Christ in all our ways, we will practice love and forgiveness in all our ways to the best of our ability. God will bless our efforts, and we will see victory in our marriages, despite our issues, weaknesses, and problems. It’s not wise to think that we should be compatible in everything.
We are individuals and that means we see things differently one from the other. We ought not to expect to agree on everything. We ought to expect that at times we won’t be happy with each other. That’s not a reason to fall apart but to do what God says and forgive. In going through the issues of marriage, our relationship grows. We develop patience and love and appreciation for each other. The “experts” say we won’t have to go through too many trials, if we choose correctly. God says that we are victorious in Him in all our ways, despite problems.
I’m going to continue to go God’s way so my marriage will continue to blessed! Amen.