Dear Mr President of Uganda Yoweri Kaguta Tibuhaburwa Museveni,

Though I am not your voter, I come from the same background like that of your humble voters. I come from the country where voters and all hoi polloi are but sheepish beasts of burden for hoity toitty like in your country. And they like this for playing this role is a great honour for them.

So too, we share nexus in that when you were fighting for Uganda, you had your base and support in my country. We supported you so as to punish our arch enemy Idi Amin, who toppled our best friend Milton Obote. I understand by being of the same origin politically, there are a couple things we know about each other.

I am Tanzanian by blood and water. Like Uganda, our country has been ruled by one party since independence just like your NRM has been doing, though not since independence. Our good ruling party is infallible and holy so as not to be questioned or opposed. So you can see that those accusing you of overstaying are making a grave mistake. You are not alone in this clean game of enjoying power.

I heard your opponents complaining about vote rigging! I was shocked to death. Didn’t they know that without applying this golden rule, no ruler would be in power in Africa? Who is clean in East African Community that did not do the same to cling unto power? Let he be the first to cast a stone.

For reminder, as a precedent, we did just this two months ago in Tanzania. You know what happened? Our money was stolen in the name of charade known as elections. The good thing is: elections were true and fair simply because the ruling junta won thanks to this science of duplicating and multiplying votes.

Therefore, it must be underscored. Rigging is not a crime in Africa. It is but a claim. Just like nepotism, corruption, cronyism, nihilism, rigging will be glorified by seating-duck-like rulers whose actions are only seen in rigging and robbing our treasury. You are not among or one of them.

Mr President, you should not listen to opponents’ frog-like noises. They goofed and thought that voters can decide who should rule them. The role of voters is to humbly vote, but not to question the results even if they are cooked or their voters stolen. First of all, president cannot steal pieces of papers. Such president must be stupid and a dog.

Do you remember this quote of yours, you made just short time before elctions? You said thus: “I like my cows better than this State House, but no one is right to take over. I cannot leave the country to these timewasters. Change from what? From one weakness to another weakness? This is not a beauty contest. 2016 shall be decided according to the strength of Africa.” So those daydreaming that this is your last term in office should think twice.

If an individual, thanks to abusively using the power he stole from citizenry can tamper with the constitution to remain in power, what is there to boot him out of the very power. Pieces of papers otherwise known as votes? Dare you not to daydream that power-hungry wolves will let power go without going to Tahrir Square. The good thing is Mr President you are not among or one of them.

First of all, the so-called voters are ignorant and confused thanks to the hell on earth they are put in. This coupled with intimidation, manipulation, gagging the media or buying it help in elections. And when such impetuses are used you declare elections free and fair. Those who oppose or support opposition’s claims of rigging just brand them the enemies of national security. Don’t they know that national security is all about big men and their cronies to milk the country?

Another thing, use the army and police forces to see to it that people are voting for you, not just because they love you, but just because they fear the chaos your cronies can cause if declared a loser. The role of police and armed force in Africa, except those crooks in Egypt, is to see to it that the big man wins.

So too, these military guys can be used to deliver stuffed ballot boxes that favours you. When anybody tries to question their acts or presence at voting stations, they beat them severely. If those opponents persist you accuse them of provoking security organs which is the hugest crime in Africa. Why should people question infallible organ of the state?

If nobody puts sense you do like Muamar Gadaffi, order the army to bomb and shoot to kill. Who will question this if at all your people are like your cows?

I know Mr President, you are the smartest guy I have ever seen. Nobody except you has enough brain and constitutional right to rule Uganda. Why don’t Ugandans thanks Lord for sending them a messiah in you? My wish is that Ugandans should amend the constitution to make you king or president for life. For you have more experience than any bin-Adam in Uganda, thanks to being in power for over two decades.

How could Ugandans become such stupid to think that you’d lose elections? Those doubting this should look at the constitution of electoral commission. To make sure that nobody is stealing your votes, you appoint your trusted friends and consigliore to see to it that you win with Tsunami-like win as it has always been.

Mr President, I don’t want to waste your time. For you have a lot of thing to do to see to it that Uganda is overtaking the US so as to become the first super power from Africa. I know you as you said, you won’t leave power till this becomes a reality. So too, I am sure, once your dreams become reality, you will become the first president of East African Union so as to help it the way you did to Uganda.

Long live the king in making. We hope to see you crowned come 2016.

Nkwazi Mhango is a Tanzanian living in Canada. He writes regularly for “The African Executive” and also has a blog entitled “Free Thinking Unabii”. He is a regular contributor to AfroSpear.