What is more detrimental to the Black community: Gay Marriage vs. Interracial Marriage

In light of the all the media buzz about Good Morning America host Robin Roberts publicly announcing her same-sex relationship (here), and in the wake of the Duck Dynasty Phil Robertson controversy (here), I wondered to myself: “why are we as a society so fascinated in who’s f*cking who!?”

There are numerous media outlets, from TMZ to Bossip, which feeds our cravenous appetites for such information gossip. Although there is nothing constructive, let alone enlightening, by nurturing and feeding this addiction to spy into other people’s lives, celebrities or not, these latest round of media stories did conceive this question for my consideration: “what is more detrimental to the Black community: gay marriage or interracial marriage?”

In an effort to legitimize their cause, one of the arguments proponents for gay marriage use is to compare their struggle to the fight for the legalization of interracial marriage. This is a similar tactic used by those who are fighting for gay rights, to compare it to the (continuing) struggle for civil and human rights of those with black skins. I discussed my feelings on that issue previously: “Is Gay the new Black?”

I recently had this discussion with a friend who was ranting that about how one the main ways the morals of society was being undermined, was by the cultural shift that has become more accepting of homosexuals. We’ve also had numerous discussions on a variety of strategies to empower the Black community. We both agree that everything starts with the Black family. Ironically, this is a black man who is married to a white woman.

Me: How many gay couples do you know?
Him: A couple maybe
Me: How many black people do you know who are in interracial relationships?
Him: Too many to count
Me: What more undermines the development of the Black family and the progress of the Black community: gay marriage or interracial marriage?”
Him: (silence)

Regardless of my personal and political beliefs on gay and interracial marriage, both in their owns ways, undermines the development of a strong Black family, which is the foundation of a strong Black community. However, the latter being more prevalent and acceptable, makes it more detrimental to the progress of the Black community.

What we need to do as a people is not spend our time and energy focussing on “who’s zoomin’ whom”, but on building, nurturing and developing, positive, respectful, life affirming relationships among and between black men and women, so as to lay a solid foundation of the Black family, upon which the Black community can firmly stand.

“Family, is it politically incorrect for a Black man to say that Black men should marry Black women and that we should be deeply concerned about the effeminization of the Black male? Is it strange to be alarmed about the erosion of whatever values our communities once possessed that held those communities together even in the worst of times? If so, I suppose that I stand on the outside looking in. When I see so many prominent Black men sporting non-Black women on their side and see a strong looking Black man in a dress with high heels and curlers, to me it is a cause of disgust and alarm. And I am not shy about saying it. Is that what our Ancestors survived enslavement and colonization for? My god, what is happening to us?” Runoko Rashidi

Miss Educated. Miss Inspired. Miss Directed. Miss Gifted-And-Going-Far!

Tags

black girls, Black Learners, Black Parenting, Black Women, Girls Hold Up This World, Know Better Do Better, Re-Education, Teaching Black Children, Women of the African Diaspora

Over the past few weeks, I’ve focused on a lot of topics, but have strayed away from my primary focus and goal which is in re-education; Today, I regress.

It has occurred to me that many of our daughters are being painted with the broader stroke of mediocrity and unjustly so.  Young Black girls are often pressured by outside influence as to what they should look like, act like and who they should be liked by. During the tumultuous period of adolescence, it’s easy and natural for our daughters to be conflicted about their identities and sense of self. We parents are often confused as to who this new person is that we find ourselves living with. Someone we knew for 16 years and who was sweet and innocent only yesterday is suddenly argumentative and wanting a bum-length weave, false eyelashes, a lip tattoo and permission to drive your car. She’s undoubtedly finding herself and disturbing your reasonable enjoyment in order to do so. The princess of your loins has become a near stranger in personality as well as physical appearance.

Now, imagine this same character in the classroom for 8 hours a day already feeling conflicted about who she is and who she wants to be. Picture this person in a class with 30some other 16 year old freaks of nature with raging hormones, body odor, acne and attitude problems and then, imagine yourself as the teacher who has to deal with all of them at once for days at a time. Scary isn’t it? Makes the reality of having to deal with one at a time seem like a blessing doesn’t it? I understand, I’ve often taken it for granted too.

Teachers bear the burden of having to facilitate learning in environments best navigated by The Joint Task Force, this is the reality. Good teachers try to balance calm and stimulation while maintaining an atmosphere conducive for thinking.  A good teacher innately understands the challenges of kidulthood and adjusts his or her teaching curve to deal with the ebbs and flows of the teenaged attention span. A good teacher cares that our children leave the school day knowing one thing more than they did the day before and that their personal arsenal of critical thinking and mass communication skills are being cultivated in abundance. A good teacher notices when your child is expressing both fluency and difficulties in subject matter and coordinates with parents accordingly to address the situation in either case.  This is my short list of good teacher qualities and in a perfect world, our children would have the luxury of being placed in classrooms with caring individuals who are passionate about education however; This is not the reality. In many cases, what our children are experiencing is the complete antithesis of this dream.

Parents, be aware that our daughters are often left in the shadows of students who require more attention due to behavioural issues. Our daughters are being neglected in the classes because they don’t draw any special attention to themselves academically or attitudinally.  Sadly, our daughters educational needs are being ignored because of how they look. If they fit the description of a young-Black female-who-isn’t-destined-for-much-of-a-future-anyway, many teachers will not invest the time it takes to cultivate trust and respect in order to help to inspire her to reach her full potential.

In terms of the traditional education system, unlike our sons, as long as Black girls behave well and keep their “attitudes” in check, regardless of whether or not they complete their assigned tasks or are up to the class median, they pose less of a threat and therefore are treated with less interference. They can be virtually invisible.

Parents, this is an issue. Our girls need to be challenged, included and regarded as visible within the classroom environment in order to reap the benefits of academic exposure. We must ensure that our daughters are aligned in fully exploiting the full value of her education as this will help to assure the completeness of self-esteem, her confidence in her abilities and her future success.  Be ever vigilant of this phenomenon and commit to protecting our daughters from it. Demand parent teacher reviews and interaction. Get to know what her teacher thinks about her. Demand that her teachers actually get to understand her needs and challenge her accordingly. Demand homework, it’s practise. Encourage her to get involved with school citizenship and extracurricular activities and not only sports. (Unless it’s Girls rugby!) Support her to join the debate team, teen political and mock parliament societies. Encourage as much academic exposure that you can so that her brain grows at the same rate as her interest in boys. If you can’t limit her distractions, participate in them! Trust me, your teen won’t feel the need spend 23 out of 24hrs a day Tweeting her random musings if you become one of her followers…

Parents, especially us mothers, we must be good to our daughters. Our rule of thumb ought to be the role model she needs so that she can breathe life into her dreams and passions. Help her learn and express her abilities. Teach her to understand the implications of being overly sexually provocative. Show her how a lady acts and dresses while still accepting her need to explore her less than desirable fashion sense. Teach her the classic approach to sexiness: Sometimes less is more. Make your good demeanor the prime example of how hers should be. Allow her to be sensitive and express her feelings and softer side. Teach her to embrace and develop her natural gifts and talents. Teach her to be a good friend.  Be the one true person who advocates for her when she needs it yet demonstrates how she must advocate and assert for herself.
She will be a better woman for it. She will have better learning experiences for it. One day, she will become a better mother because of it. Don’t be her friend, be her mom; Her good teacher.

Light reflected is enlightenment infinite.

~Rachelle

Byts and Bytes: Father’s Day – A Day of Honour?

As Father’s Day approaches, the Black/African community in the Diaspora particularly, gears up once again for the yearly conversation…  today it’s primarily in the form of tweets and Facebook postings (for at least a weekend)… about the importance of Black fathers and fatherhood in general.

I will share a number of articles and videos which I had saved to set the stage for this day of honour. I will drop a post on or around Sunday, to comment on the materials below, as well as share what I have learnt in my experiences as a father. Until then:

1. The trouble with a great father

2. The African American Black Man: The New Neanderthal?

3.

Educating Black Boys – Al Jazeera Correspondent

This documentary by Tony Harris takes an indepth look at the failure of the educational system, particularly for Black males and uses Baltimore’s inner city as the backdrop to address cartain issues. I found it rather fascinating that some of the issues he discusses are similar to the ones my wife and I contend with in Ottawa, Canada in regards to our 5 year old son. Although we reside in what could be describes as an upper middle class neighbourhood and our son attends a “good” school with dedicated teachers and abundant resources, we are forever cognizant and vigilant to the lower academic expectations and negative behaviour labeling that our “little Black boy” may be subconsciously or subtly subjected to by members of the school community.

However our son is excelling academically in school. He is enrolled in the senior kindergarden french immersion program. His success is due in large part to three factors. First, my wife and I take an active interest in his educational and athletic endeavours. We have made the commitment to take full responsibility for his education and not shift this responsibility to his teachers. We see them as a valuable resource in assisting us in his education and development. We have also enrolled him in piano lessons, which we find is a great tool not only in the development of his musical abilities, but also in his emotional progression as well as his logic and mathematical comprehension. Athletically, he takes swimming and ice skating lessons, plays organized soccer and T-ball.

Second, “we’re are constantly on his azz!” lol! He is fully aware and constantly reminded of our high expectations of his academic performance as well as his behaviour. He goes to school half day, so we have purchased academically based activity workbooks (math, science, phonics, vocabulary, reading comprehension and logic), as well as writing exercises which we do with him when he gets home. He has lunch, then has to do at least an hour of this work before he is allowed to watch televison or play with his toys. He reads to one of us every night (we don’t read to him) before bedtime. He is only allowed to play his Wii on the weekends, i.e. Friday and Saturday evenings, if he has performed and behaved to our expectations! Therefore playing video games for him is a privilege and not a right.

Third and most importantly, his parents are married to each other and we all live in the same household. We are both Black and professionally employed. Neither my wife nor I have children from previous marriages or relationships, so we can focus all our time, energy and resources on him and his sister. He is also expected to do his chores, which includes assisting us in taking care of his baby sister.

Is all this the formula for success for Black boys? We don’t know, we’re just doing the best we can with what God has blessed us with. So far it is working for us. It literally punched me in my gut and broke my heart when a mother in the documentary discusses what her realistic expectations are for her son: click 31:48 – 32:45. It really brings home the point that by the grace of God go we all!

Thoughts for Father’s Day

Madonna and Child

A gift of love from Deb to my wife and I to congratulate us on the new addition to our family

A heartfelt thank you!

Here are a couple photos of our princess and prince:

                       Alana                                                 Alana and Asa

Byts and Bytes

 

“A Painful (Yet Familiar) Ritual” by Michael W. Waters

Excellent article by Michael W. Waters

My only son turned five years old last week. He is a handsome, articulate, energetic, intelligent, fun-loving and gentle young man. He is the apple of my eye!

There’s only one problem: he is Black.

And as his father, I am challenged to do for him what generations of African American fathers have had to do for their sons for far too long in this country; I must inform him that because of his unique blend of gender and pigmentation, there are a different set of rules with which he must contend while growing up.

Nineteen years ago, on a frigid December night in Waco, Texas, what was intended to be a quick stop at the convenience store turned into a two-hour lesson on the racial history of America. A teenager, I was wearing a large jacket with a hood. As I readied myself to exit the car, my grandfather, with whom we were visiting for the holidays, proclaimed, “Take that hood off your head before you go in that store or they will blow your brains out!” Such sudden outbursts were uncharacteristic for my rather mild-mannered grandfather. I found his proclamation of the possibility of my abrupt and violent demise rather upsetting. And it was difficult for me to comprehend. I was simply going to buy some sodas, a rather non-hostile action in my opinion.

For what felt more like an eternity than two hours, my grandfather, grandmother, mother, and uncle awakened me to some troubling realities: 1) That my dark skin, then embracing a 5-foot-10-inch, 13-year-old frame, was a considerable threat for some people, and 2) that some people would not be patient enough to judge me based on the content of my character but rather would be fixated on the color of my skin, and that the color of my skin, viewed through the lens of their own prejudices, meant that I was the physical embodiment of their greatest fear (a big, Black man), fears reinforced daily by mass media. Ever since that fateful December night, I have lived life in full view of these realities.

Having added over five inches and one hundred pounds to that 13-year-old frame over the years, when riding in elevators, I have learned to give quick and easy smiles to disarm my fellow passengers and to ensure them that they are not in any imminent danger. I am mindful of my tone and the inflection of my voice when in conversation in mixed groups as I have learned that I am not afforded the same terms of conversation as others. For if I slightly raise my voice, instead of describing me as passionate, some will label me an angry Black man. Like countless generations of Black men, I have been followed in stores and stopped by police so many times without cause that I am pleasantly surprised when it does not happen.

Now, I, a latter generation Gen-Xer, must pass down to my post-Millennial son some of the rules of engagement for a Black man in this society: 1) If the police stop you make sure you stop in a well-lit area and don’t make any sudden moves. In fact, verbally broadcast your actions (i.e., Officer, I am now reaching into the glove compartment for my registration). 2) Always get the receipt after making a purchase, no matter how small, so no one can falsely accuse you of theft later. 3) It doesn’t matter if the white kids are doing it. Your punishment will always be much more severe if you are caught doing the same. This is also true for adulthood.

I must inform my son that even if he were blessed to graduate from an Ivy League law school with high honors, having served as the editor of that prestigious school’s law review, and go on to be elected the President of the United States of America, even then, some people will consider him to be unqualified for the job and question whether he is a “true” American on account of his Blackness. I will tell him about James Byrd, Jr., the fake drug scandal of Dallas, the Tulia drug busts, and other contemporary instances of societal racism in our home State of Texas, even as previous generations of Black fathers have spoken to their sons of Emmett Till, the Tuskegee
Experiment, and COINTELPRO.

And yes, I will tell him about Troy Anthony Davis. I will tell him that even in the face of compelling doubt surrounding his conviction, the cries of other nations, or the pleas of former U.S. Presidents and Nobel Laureates to spare his life, poison can be injected into his veins, for in the eyes of some, he is considered to be an animal that must be put down at all costs.

I will take part in this familiar, yet painful, ritual, for as the Apostle Paul articulated to his sons and daughters in the faith, I would not want my son to be “uninformed…about the troubles we [have] experienced” in this country (2 Corinthians 1:8).

Then I will tell my son, “Go and change the world!”