“DC a Sign of Our Nation’s Times” by Lisa Fritsch

Op-ed submission by Project 21 

Our nation’s capital exemplifies what America can become, but not in a good way.

Results from the Census Bureau’s American Community Survey finds abysmally high percentages of single-parent households in underprivileged neighborhoods.

As the District of Columbia is a special federal enclave under congressional control, it presents a perfect opportunity for the newly-elected conservative majority in the U.S. House of Representatives to provide leadership.

According to the government data, 74 percent of households east of the Anacostia River — among the poorest in Washington — have only one parent. Only nine percent of those are headed by men. In similar neighborhoods in the rest of southeast and in northeast D.C., single-parent households are in the majority.

Some might read this, shrug their shoulders and skip to the next headline. Besides, it’s largely seen as a Hispanic and African-American problem. But these children, in danger of repeating the cycle of illegitimacy, affect everyone’s quality of life.

Out-of-wedlock childbirths in the black community may approach 72 percent, but it’s not just a black problem. According to a 2009 report from the Centers for Disease Control, the birth rate for unwed mothers rose 80 percent overall since 1980. The rate among white unwed mothers rose 14 percent between 2002 and 2006, while only nine percent among blacks. Hispanics topped the charts at 106 unwed births per 1,000 unwed women in 2006. Ron Haskins of the Brookings Institution notes the traditional family values commonly attributed to Hispanics deteriorate among American-born generations.

Is America headed to a place where the two-parent family is an abnormality? Will the “family” itself become a relic like westerns and black-and-white television?

There’s already a dubious definition of what it means to be a mother, father, grandmother or grandfather that considers many as only “caretakers” and “guardians”. A mother, however, is not just a noun. Fatherhood has carried with it reverence and esteem. But fatherhood is now fading into oblivion along with the household role of the male.

Frighteningly, and with frivolous abandon, the term “baby daddy” and “baby momma” are no longer a childish vernacular reserved for the likes of “Saturday Night Live.” They are becoming a colloquial description of a child’s inception and ancestry.

Single-parent households can also cause gender and role confusion. Already, distinguishing the differences and uniqueness of being a man and being a woman is fading. Diluted gender qualities have manifested into an apathetic culture concerning the need for family.

When men feel less need to be a patriarch and women are more ambivalent about marriage and commitment, children grow up with a corrupted identity of themselves.

Worse than growing up in poverty, hard times or struggle is to awaken to an unknown self in which one is uncertain of his or her responsibilities and removed from the notion of family. Many children born into single-parent communities are already at this point.

The new chairman of the Subcommittee on the Federal Workforce, Postal Service and District of Columbia inherits enormous crisis and potential. The profound power Congress wields over D.C. affairs provides an opportunity to address the disintegrating American family through the introduction of programs that promote active roles for fathers and assistance programs that nurture togetherness rather than reward dissolution and disparity.

Let D.C. transform from the epitome of the problem to the example of how to fix the American family.

To take a line from the political left, children are a choice. They are not a requirement of a relationship. The choice to have a child carries important implications not just for the child but for the parents and society at-large.

Each time a child is born, it is an opportunity to shape morality, values and tell a story about who we love and who we are. In giving life, we are extending ourselves into future existence and leaving behind an example of the meaning and the beauty of life.

Building a family is a gift from two people towards life and humanity. In deciding that only half or less of that equation is needed to shape one, we are unequivocally phasing out the true meaning of love and life, man and woman.

Lisa Fritsch is a member of the national advisory council for the Project 21 black leadership network and a writer and radio talk show host in Austin, Texas.

“Where are you really from?” by Tim Brannigan

There is nothing more real than real life. I am not talking here about the staged reality of “reality tv” either. I am talking about the the real life drama that people go through, the struggles, pains, deaths and sometimes, hopefully, the eventual triumphs that makes a life.

This is why I am fascinated by autobiographies and biographies. They are inspirational. We can debate all day on the most effective strategies to employ to overcome, but those who fight to live, not just to survive, find the way to overcome. 

I read an article on the above autobiography of Tim Brannigan at Afro-Europe Blog. It’s the story of a mixed race black man who was born and grew up in Belfast, Northern Ireland. Here is an indepth article about him. This is a definite addition to my (constantly growing) reading list.

“The Marriage-Job Paradox” by B.B. Robinson

Op-ed submission by Project 21

Adam Smith, the 18th century philosopher/economist, articulated the “Diamond-Water Paradox”. While water is essential, Smith said, it has a relatively low transaction value. Conversely, and illogically, diamonds have a higher transaction value and little practical use to the average person.

Examples can be found in the black community that parallel Smith’s theory.

For instance, the Bureau of Labor Statistics’ 2008 Consumer Expenditure Survey shows that black American households annually spent an average of $1,983 on clothes and shoes — more than the general population’s average of $1,801. At the same time, however, only $47 was spent on reading materials (as opposed to $116 for everybody).

Even without making comparisons to other ethnic groups, there’s no doubt we could have spent less on clothes — which serve a key but very low-level function — and spent more on books. Books, after all, provide knowledge from which enormous benefits can be derived.

But what about a “Marriage-Job Paradox?” It is not precisely parallel to Smith’s Diamond-Water paradox, but it has similar overall implications in the black community.

For youth, there is emphasis put on occupational aspirations. Kids are asked: “What do you want to be when you grow up?” We spend a considerable portion of our formative years trying to figure out the answer. We study and often spend tens of thousands of dollars — maybe even hundreds of thousands — to attain our occupational goals.  

Despite its importance, a job is most often not as important as our most cherished human relationship — marriage. Yet, how often is someone asked about his or her ambition to find the perfect mate and create a relationship to last a lifetime? How often do black American parents talk to their kids about the science of selecting a marriage partner? How many young adults seriously study the implications of selecting a marriage partner before taking this giant step?

Choosing a marriage partner is likely the most important decision a person ever makes. It seems logical that an important ingredient to a successful life for a man or a woman is to have a good partner. Even if someone successfully reaches his or her vocational goal, a failed marriage will — at least for a time — affect job performance and disrupt wealth creation efforts. It can turn a life topsy-turvy.

We often spend considerable amounts on planning the actual wedding event, but how much do we invest in learning the science of choosing the perfect partner? Even if we invest months or years in getting to know a prospective partner, how many of us learn in advance how to conduct the process in order to ensure our final decision is foolproof?  

Not long ago, arranged marriages were still in vogue. Though the practice of arranging marriages is not extinct, romance-themed television programs and movies led our society away from that practice. We exchanged the wisdom of the elders for a kiss or a sex test from a magazine or a web site.

Consequently, for that and other reasons, black marriages, the black family and — most importantly — black children are suffering.  

As young adults head off to colleges in August, consider gifting to them a good book on the science of selecting marriage partners in addition to purchasing all of the required paraphernalia for their new life on campus. Better yet, set aside time with your child to teach them the keys to a successful marriage. Parents may also be able to offer some advice on the type of marriage partner that may be best suited for their child. If a parent can’t, let a grandparent provide instruction on selecting a suitable mate.

To be truly successful, one must be successful in a multi-dimensional sense. To help ensure such success, we need to undo the “Marriage-Job Paradox” by investing early and often in our younger generation’s knowledge of the science of selecting the correct partner for marriage.

When we do this, our investments to help our youth qualify for, and capture, the correct job will be truly successful.

B.B. Robinson, Ph.D. is a member of the national advisory council of the black leadership network Project 21. You can visit his website at http://www.blackeconomics.org

Father’s Day Jazzuloo: Rebirth of a Cool Dad

On this Father’s Day weekend, I’ve been thinking about what it takes to be a good father. This has caused me to once again reflect on my relationship with my deceased father and to question whether he a good father when he was alive? We weren’t close at all. In fact we never had much to say to each other. He never developed a close emotional bond with me or my siblings, or anyone else for that matter. It just wasn’t apart of his personality. Regardless, he was a good man who always put his family first and provided for us. We never lacked for anything and he rarely answered “no” if we asked him for something. He wasn’t perfect… none of us are… but when it’s all said and done, as I reflect, I do believe he was a good father to us.

Since my son has been born, I think a lot about being a good father to him and lately more and more, I have been considering what that really means. I look around at my peers who are fathers and ask myself: “are they good fathers and if so, why?” It also leads me back to why I think my father was a good father. I must admit that I consciously interact with my son in ways I wish my father had with me, so I am building a strong, close relationship with him. Anyway, I have concluded that there isn’t one standard answer to this question. There are many characteristics and varied dynamics in a relationship that can lead one to be considered a good father.

So I now turn my attention to what makes a “cool dad”. We all know someone, whether personally or a celebrity, who we consider to be “cool”. They are usually charismatic, don’t operate within what we would term: “the norm” and are trend-setters. They have this certain“swagga”, so that when they enter a room, or when we are in their presence, they become the center of attraction. We want to be like them. Secretly… truth be told… sometimes we wish we were them.

How does this translate into fatherhood? Well here are some attributes which I believe makes a father… a cool dad. Feel free to add your own jazz licks to this composition! It’s a jazzuloo thang…

1. A cool dad marries the mother of his children
Hello! I’ve lived with a woman and I’ve been married (twice). So I can relate when I hear of situations where people have been living together for years, get married, and 6 months later they divorce. It’s a whole different mentality and level of commitment when you live with someone vs. when you marry them. And for the record, if you have numerous children by numerous women, you’re not a cool dad, you’re a serial fuckup!

2. A cool dad treats the mother of his children with the utmost respect
Physical, sexual, verbal and emotional abuse is absolutely not cool. A cool dad is even cognizent of his tone of voice when he speaks to her in the presence of their children. It’s also very uncool to make derogatory remarks about her and her new man, boyfriend or husband!

3. A cool dad is the supreme role model, especailly in the more obscure things
I remember a few years ago reading about a study which looked at some of the behaviours of young black boys in comparisons to their white peers. One that I found astonishing was that they found a majority of the black boys would more often sit when they urinated, while the white boys who would stand. It concluded that’s what the black boys had learnt (and seen) from their primary caregivers, who were their mothers and/or other female members of the family. My almost 3 year old son, who is potty training, now refuses to sit when he pees. He removes his diaper and wants to stand like his dad.

4. A cool dad spends quantity as well as quality time with his children
In Canada we are allowed 1 year of paid parental leave. My wife took the first 8 months and I took the remaining 4. It was the best decision I ever made in my life… next to asking my wife to marry me of-course (wink). During that time when I nurtured my son, he and I developed a unique emotional bond which is the foundation of our relationship. So now he expects me to spend a lot of time with him, as well as my undivided attention.

5. A cool dad dresses his children for success
Instead of buying your children expensive designer, name brand clothes, which they will outgrow in a month or so anyway, buy generic brands from department and/or discount stores. There’s also no shame with wearing “hand me downs” from relatives and friends. The money saved can then be invested in a fund for your children’s college or university education.

6. A cool dad is really cool when…
 …he watches Dora the Explorer instead of football; dances with The Wiggles; gets on the floor to do yogo with the Waybaloos; plays doll house, dress up and tea party instead of the lastest video game; hugs his son and lets him cry instead of telling him to “man up”; turns off the t.v. or computer to explain for the umpteenth time: “why….?”; goes to the park to play when all you just want to do is “veg out” after dealing with people’s bullshit all day.

Happy Father’s Day… and Be Cool!

Family Thoughts

Preserving the Black man, woman & CHILD does not seem as simple as it sounds.

Woods, King, Ali and the cost of infidelity

In 2002 when the Muhammed Ali biopic starring Will Smith was playing, I asked the woman I was dating at the time if she would like to go see it with me. She basically ‘kissed her teeth’ (Jamaicans/West Indians in da house know what I mean) and went into this rant that although she acknowledged his accomplishments as a boxer, she had no respect for him as a man, husband or father, because of the numerous affairs he had with other women during his marriages! 

During our discussion, in which I was sinking, she went on to state that she felt the same about Martin Luther King. She respected his work and sacrifice as a civil rights leader, however as a man of God, husband and father, he was hypocritical and lacked credibility in her eyes due to his affairs with other women, particularly “White” women! She went on to argue that although the Black community puts men like these on a pedestal for their prowess and accomplishments, we ignore the fact that their infidelity reinforces the stereotype of the oversexed Black male, does irrefutable harm to the Black family, destroys the Black community… and more importantly, we never acknowledge the pain and shame their infidelity caused their wives and children.

I had never had the issue of infidelity explained to me in this way before… and with so much passion. In fact she presented a well thought out viewpoint, underpinned by her sense of morality and expectations of the sanctity of marriage. Needless to say, I went to see the film alone.

On Friday Tiger Woods held a press conference to address his infidelity. He apologized to his wife, family, fellow golfers, sponsors, the children and people involved in his foundation and fans. He took full responsibility for his actions, asked for forgiveness and promised to be a better man in the future. He wisely took no questions, did the customary {{{hugs}}} to his mother and close friends… and then got the hell out of there!

There are those in the media who called it a sham because Woods had handpicked the members of the media who were present and took no questions. In reality they are pissed because he didn’t play the game by their rules. He became the ringmaster of their stage, the media circus. There are those who called it a sham because they never liked Woods, or due to his infidelities have lost adoration and/or respect for him. They see the press conference as the standard, necessary strategy he must take to regain his popularity and commercial viability, and not something sincere.

Here’s my take, for what (little) it’s worth. Tiger Woods, the brand, did what he had to do and held the press conference to begin the road back to commercial viability. However, I do believe the apology was sincere. Tiger Woods, the man, has only to answer to his wife, his family and his God. Tiger Woods doesn’t owe me or the public at large any details or explanations. Am I disappointed in Tiger Woods? In a word: “NO”. I’m certainly surprised that he was so stupid to think that he could get away this behaviour in this age of “TMZ” and everyone looking to cash in on their 15 minutes of fame, but as he honestly admitted… he was arrogant. So “no” I’m not disappointed because although he is undoubtedly the best golfer of my generation and the most compelling athlete today, he is just a man… with weaknesses and failings like any other man. I had no emotional investment tied up in Tiger Woods.

That being said, I always considered him to be one of the positive role models for my son. Regardless, I have come to realize even more, that the most influential role model for my son, positive or negative, is me. I have always felt that it is important to teach him to learn from the mistakes of others, but to only emulate those who are successful in their endeavours. I will teach him when it comes to being a successful athlete, Muhammed Ali and Tiger Woods are definitely worthy role models. When it comes to seeking inspiration from someone who stands and sacrifices for what they believe is right, in the face of great opposition, Muhammed Ali is also a great role model. When it comes to emulating someone who worked selflessly for the advancement of their community and society as a whole, he should look to Martin Luther King. When it comes to being a success as a husband and father, I need to ensure that I live my life in such a way that I am the role model he looks to pattern his life after.

“Don’t Shortchange Your Kids at Christmas” by Mychal Massie

Op-ed submission by Project 21

Christmastime is supposed to be a time of good cheer, but what I have to say about it will likely offend some and infuriate others.

More often these days, it’s a time dominated by the concern: “What do I get the kids for Christmas?” A lot of parents plaintively searching for things they can ill-afford and – in reality – their kids really don’t need. But, for those unable to differentiate between wasting money, overspending and what a child really needs, the quest is on. Children really need something substantive and there is nothing more enduring than a fundamental understanding of what Christmas is about and the reason we celebrate it.

Christmas is about the birth of Christ. It is about the love of God for mankind. God sent His only Begotten Son, to be born of a virgin. Through His virgin birth, death and resurrection, we can have eternal life with Him if we confess, believe and accept Him in our hearts.

But too many parents only seem willing to sit with their children to watch imbecilic TV programs than discuss “Christmas Truths”. They will take their kids to Wal-Mart and Target before they take them to church. Some do go to church, but not not necessarily to learn of Christ. To them, it’s a Christmas obligation.

It’s all part of a larger problem of society being divided by educational preparedness. Children must be able to function on par levels to contribute to the continued devolvement of our nation’s intellectual ascendancy. I’m not against toys and gifts, but I am against ignorance. If children cannot read, write, speak or interact beyond the immediate environs of their neighborhoods, how will they be able to contribute to our tomorrow?

I was raised by a single mother who suffered an emotional breakdown when I was ten years old. Despite that, she never allowed her condition to excuse me from learning. I did not go without a toy, but the gifts I received -regardless of how basic – reinforced her belief in educational preparedness. They also came with the strict expectation that I excel academically. She and my grandmother set the bar high, and I was expected to respond.

Today, the bar generally seems to be lower. Children can repeat verbatim the words to dozens of stupid, worthless and – in many instances – vulgar, anti-social, misogynistic “rhymes” masquerading as music, but they have likely never read Charles Dickens or Mark Twain and or heard Bach or Brahms.

My grandmother used to say: “An excuse is the easiest thing in the world to find.” Parents today must stop making excuses for underperforming children. And to those parents who thump their chests with pride because they have a bumper sticker proclaiming their child’s honor status, they owe it to themselves to check the quality of the schooling.

In my office I have two old family photos – one from the mid/late 1880s, and the other from 1900. One was born a slave, while the two in the other photo were born just after emancipation. I was told that my relatives in those photos were able to read and write. For that era, it was a true gift.

Toys break and the newest electronic and computer games seem obsolete minutes after they are purchased. A truly valuable gift is a bankbook and savings account for a child to contribute to regularly – and to which there are strict guidelines for withdrawal. Too few children understand the value of money and the need to save it.

This Christmas, for those who choose not to share the Truth of Christmas, at least give children more than a video game or earrings. Give them something that, when they are older, they will still have.

Books don’t break and a penny saved is still a penny earned.

Mychal Massie is the chairman of the black leadership network Project 21.

Taking a Siesta in Cuba

Feliz Navidad!     Joyeux Noel!     Merry Christmas!