I’m a relatively new Christian. I returned to the Lord in 2003 after having been away since I was a teen in the 70’s. I went on to do exactly as I dreamed when I was a child, to work in the Main Public Library of San Francisco. I so much enjoyed having access to so many books, and so many points of view and so much knowledge. I became very greedy for knowledge and was fascinated by it all. I read books on Ancient Egyptian history, African American history, Black Literature, Feng Shui, Astrology-I really studied this one, Crystals, How to’s on every subject, Hair care, Fashion, Novels, back to religion–Wicca, native worship, voudou, nature worship, I even tried to read the Quran. This “wisdom” journey has taken me 25 years until I came full circle and finally picked up the Bible.
That’s when my new life began. I had to learn how to learn. I had to unlearn some habits that were not conducive to studying the Bible. I’m in the process of overcoming envious attitudes toward mature Christians who seemed to know the Lord better than I. I had an attitude of competition in the things of God. I wanted to be a prayer warrior because I saw someone who was. I wanted to preach like the best preachers and teach like the best teachers. I wanted to quote the Bible like those who do. I tried to learn Scriptures by rote memorization. My entire attitude was quantity so as to impress, rather than quality so as to influence.
I’m thankful to God for choosing me and I grateful for His love and patience in teaching me through the power of the Holy Spirit working in me. Seeking and learning of Jesus has been the best thing, the best journey of my life. I don’t regret my round about way back to Him but I’m so glad that I returned and belong to Jesus! His peace washes over me in my times of doubt, greed, self condemnation, confusion, selfishness–and I still experience all of these and many other emotions, but I learn deeper lessons through each situation. Bless the Lord for He is Good and His mercy endures forever.
My advice for living in these extremely difficult times: JESUS is the answer!
Blessings
(Originally published at wrestlegod.blogspot.com in July 2009)
afrospear.wordpress.com 
Sis. Anna, I had a similar “circular” journey back to Christ. I was brought up in a strict Christian home and when I was able to I ran away from it. I went on a quest that led me back to Christianity but with a deeper understanding and appreciation of what really matters.
On my quest I became a Baha’i follower for a while, I read the Quran, studied the Yoruba based religon, and even became a atheist for a moment. Life experiences led to life lessons which led me back to the understanding that the key is to have a personal relationship with God through Christ, while respecting other religious and philosophical beliefs, as well as unbelief. As Paul states and I’m paraphrasing, we all have to work out our own salvation with God, Philippians 2:12&13.
Thanks for this post. It’s uplifting and gives one pause for reflection.
Amen Brother Asa! Work it out with fear and trembling!
Question(s) for both of you. Please take no offense, as that is not my intention.
I am curious to know how you may have come around to believing that Jesus is the answer after studying the various religions for lack of a better word.
Anna, you state clearly that you studied Ancient Egpytian history. How then did you study this, and find your way back to Jesus? Did you not find it curious that Horus, the son of Auset and Ausar, states he is the Bread of Life, some 3000 years before Jesus? (Thats just one quote) The Ancient Egyptian’s were masterful in Astrology (there was no astronomy at the time) marking the precession of the stars so much so created the most accurate calendars. They also understood the affect of the stars on us on Earth. Was this the type of astrology you studied? Were you able to see the astrological messages in the Bible as well? Feeding 5000 with two fishes. Jesus sending his people into the house of the “water bearer”? In addition I noticed that you said you “finally picked up the bible.” I get from this you put it down. Why did you do that?
Asa, How did you study so much then you became an atheist? I am cannot see how that could be. Did you study these ways of worship or participate but not really study them?
So, for both of you. Were you studying truly? I mean really attempting to seek out truths in your studies. Or, were you searching for something else/rebelling against old teachings? Therefore just participating in various “ways”. Or, maybe attempting to turn away from “strict” Christianity? What was the motivation for your sampling so many “religions?” What was your motivation for putting down the bible?
Peace to both of you, and thank you.
I have my own set of things I dealt with and its funny that you post this Anna, as I am working on something similar at my SupremeUltimate blog.
Asa, I forgot to follow up on this as well.
“Life experiences led to life lessons which led me back to the understanding that the key is to have a personal relationship with God through Christ…”
Why have you concluded that the relationship with God has to be through Christ? Is it not possible to have a relationship without Christ? I am really interested in how or why you conclude this?
Anna, you said “Seeking and learning of Jesus has been the best thing, the best journey of my life..” Why? What is different about seeking and learning of Jesus, differ from learning of Krishna or El?
Thanks my people,
EnSayn
Hi Brother EnSayn When I was about 11 or 12 I read a children’s old testament and that’s all. I wasnt required to continue going to church after that age, I dont know why.
So I had a little relationship with God that a child can have and prayed little prayers like “God dont let an earthquake come”. I used to pray the little childrens prayer. When I was sixteen I decided to go to a Catholic church for about a year, but didnt join. Then I went on to work at the library and that became my religion. And I did learn about the ancient Egyptians and their high knowledge, and identified with them as being black people, so I was proud and empowered by that knowledge, and I learned alot more about my black history working at the library. I didnt know that Horus stated he was the “bread of life” but I would say that “Jesus” revealed HImself to those ancient Egyptians long before He actually walked this earth, and empowered them with a high level of knowledge that cant be anything but divine in my opinion. Even after learning these things I still wanted more information. When I started working at the bookstore, I had more information and hot of the book presses, unlike the library. So I devoured as much as I could. I didn’t really “study” per se. But I actively rejected and sidestepped the bible.
But I guess I wanted that relationship with God again. He was calling me to Him, and I finally picked up the bible knowing that I would never put it back down again. It was like, “OK, God”. So in my quest to learn about Jesus, His presence manifested in my life and His beauty was something that I could perceive beyond the pride I felt from learning my black history. ANd I’m very glad and thankful for learning my history–it’s paramount to me. It’s God who made me a black person with a hidden history, for His own reasons. Jesus continues to reveal Himself in my life, I am learning more and more about Him. And He actually is doing things in my life that I can perceive in my spirit. It’s a “knowing” that’s hard to explain.
I think the difference in learning of Jesus is that He truly manifests HImself in one’s heart, which is extremely hard for someone who doesn’t have that manifestation to believe. It appears on the outside that the person is imagining things and is just weak.
So even though my pride and self respect was saved by learning about my history, my spiritual life was saved by learning about Jesus. And He does give earthly gifts as well as the gift of everlasting life and redemption.
God has uplifted my heart, calmed my fears, encouraged me, healed me, and blessed me–in reality! It’s a journey, revealed bit by bit, and it’s wonderful!
Thanks for asking me brother EnSayn!
Anna Renee, I truly appreciate you giving me your thoughts and answers. I fully understand where you are coming from and I have a better grasp as to your understanding about Jesus and what that means to you.
So many of us gain knowledge about spiritual matters, but never gain wisdom concerning and discernning what people need/want. So often people want to down what others believe. I think when one fully grasps the totality of our spiritual reality the border lines blur and become of non-effect. In other words we can see the truth in spiritual paths that may, on the outset, appear to be different. As you said you believe Christ revealed himself to the Ancient Egyptians before he walked the earth. I can truly see, and understand what you mean by that.
Thank you again for answering,
Peace!
Hey bruh! Sorry for the time lag to respond… been travelling.
I spent my formative years growing up in Jamaica with my grandparents. They were Anglicans and within JA society at the time, upper classes were mainly Anglican and Methodists. Even at a young age I was very inquisitive about other people and beliefs. I read more than I played. Although every Sunday I went to Anglican church, I remember at around 10 yrs. old, I decided to go to a youth summer christian day camp at the Pentecostal church. As you know, back then Pentecostals where mainly from the poorer segment of JA society and practiced a very emotional form of worship, which was looked down upon from the uptight Anglicans. My grandparents, to their credit, didn’t prevent me from going to this summer day camp and it was a great experience. This is when I started understanding the differences within Christian ideology, forms of worship and religious prejudice.
When I was a young teenager, still in JA, I had a cousin who was a Bahai’i and after many discussions, I decided to study and practice the religion, which I did for about a year. After that I started drifting from religious practice, not so much in rebellion, but I had discovered other interest that captured my attention, like girls and partying [;o)
When I returned to Canada at 16 yrs. I went to a Methodist church with my Mother. She then became a member of a “Free Presbyterian” church and by this time I really had no interest in going to church, especially that church, which was based out of Northern Ireland and very British and very “white”. At that period, they were also into the protestant vs. catholic conflict which I didn’t care about. In fact, once I understood more about some of the dynamics around that conflict (read TRINITY by Leon Uris), I started siding more with the IRA, who I saw as fighting against British imperialism and colonialism. Yes, I was starting to become politically aware at this time. I remember having a fierce debate with some of them about South Africa and apartheid, which they supported because to them Nelson Mandela was an “ungodly communist” which was worse that being a racist and fascist so-called “christian”!
By the time I hit university, I was studying political philosophy and had a close friend who was a Muslim. I was interested in learning about Islam and the persecution of Bahai’is in Iran by the Shiite Muslims, and we had many conversations. He was a Sunni and influenced by our discussions, he got me an english version of the Quran, which I read and still have on my bookcase to this day.
During this same period in university, I became involved with the Black/African student association and became politically active. I became steeped in communist ideology, reading Marx, Engels, Mao, Che. I was also reading political philosophers like Hegel, Nietzsche, Macchiavelli etc., and came to the same conclusion as Marx that “religion was the opium of the people”. I came to understand how religion, both Christianity and Islam, was utilized to colonialize and enslave physically, mentally and spiritually, people of Africa and in the colonies. I was also deeply affected by a movie I saw around that time called “The Mission”, about the killing of South American Indians by Spanish conquistadors with the approval of the Catholic church. So I became an atheist.
Fast forward to a couple years later and another cousin invited me to an Easter service. We had many debates where I argued that there was no God. I can’t truly say why, but the message at that Easter service touch me in a very profound way and when they had an altar call, I went up and accepted and dedicated my life to Christ.
That’s basically how I returned to Christ. There was no dramatic or traumatic event(s) that were happening in my life at the time, which cause me to run or turn to God. I was and in some ways, still on a search for “truth”, so I have always been open to these experiences.
(I will continue with more later… I have to take the little man to his swimming class)
Blessings!
Continuing… @EnSayn
Against the backdrop of the condensed highlights of periods in my life, I will attempt to cover the other questions you asked above.
“So, for both of you. Were you studying truly? I mean really attempting to seek out truths in your studies. Or, were you searching for something else/rebelling against old teachings? Therefore just participating in various “ways”. Or, maybe attempting to turn away from “strict” Christianity?”
All of the above at various times in different ways. At times it was a conscious decision while at other times it was just a part of living my life, having different experiences, and it is only through self reflection that I realize how I came to make certain decisions or reach certain beliefs in my life. Life usually isn’t as simple as a linear A to B to C process, although we do build upon previous experiences or knowledge no doubt. However there are daily, numerous variables that influences what we do and the way we view the world.
“Why have you concluded that the relationship with God has to be through Christ? Is it not possible to have a relationship without Christ? I am really interested in how or why you conclude this?”
I am aware of the fact that it is possible that if I had a Muslim or Hindu religious upbringing, I might have a different view on this. I have not studied all religions in depth and it takes more than reading about or studying the precepts or ideology of a religion, to gain a full understanding and appreciation of the dynamics and subtleties of practicing it as a way of life. So is it possible to have a personal relationship with God without Christ? Of-course! As I stated above, everyone has to work out their salvation with (their) God… or they have a right to their unbelief.
When I accepted Christ, I asked God, if He is truly real, then prove himself to me, like He said he would in His Word aka The Bible. I also asked God to increase my faith… and this is the key to my belief! It’s about faith and it starts with making a choice to believe. From the time of Adam and Eve, God has given us a choice, whether to believe or not, and have the faith to follow or not. So I chose, made a conscious decision, to believe that Christ is “The Way” according to His Word aka The Bible. From there I stepped out in faith, not blind faith, for I asked God to prove himself and increase my faith that Christ was indeed “The Way”. It is this ongoing journey which led me to make the statement:
“Life experiences led to life lessons which led me back to the understanding that the key is to have a personal relationship with God through Christ…”
However don’t omit the second part of my statement, as they go together:
“…while respecting other religious and philosophical beliefs, as well as unbelief.”
The bottom line for me is that I truly don’t care what someone’s religious beliefs are, or even if they don’t believe in God. I am neither challenged or threatened by other people’s beliefs or unbelief. As long as you’re not sacrificing other human beings or torturing animals in your religious or philosophical practice, I couldn’t give a hoot! It may hold some interest to me on an intellectual level for the purposes of discussion to get to a deeper understanding of life, but as I will state again, ultimately it’s between them and their God (or philosophy).
I know what I believe and I’m still even trying to work that out for myself day by day [;o) However I am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ and am confident, if asked, to testify that He is “The Way”.
I hope this answers your questions. Thanks for asking! Not only did I take no offense, but it once again led me on a journey of self reflection which I find always beneficial.
Blessings! I wish you heaven!
Asa, thank you so much for your response. I enjoyed reading about your journey. I am always interested in how we become who we are spiritually. I was once on a search and I found my way through a myriad of steps. This, is growth for me and I, for one, welcome the continued spiritual posts here. Thank both you and Anna Renee for the feed back. We, really grow from learning from each other.